Hate Banks Love the Weather now

Well, banks suck and that's all there is to it. But they are, I guess, a necessary evil. But I won't be recommending them to anyone. And Humana Insurance? They suck the BIG ONE!!

Feels like rain here. Wonderful and semi cool. Not cold and I can sit outside and smoke without freezing my nose. Won't freeze my head because I have the wonderful HAT OF JOY.

Put up a very wee xmas tree in the back room so I could see it. Has fiber optics and really cute. Making afghans for the neighbors. Sent Angel Baby's from the catalog. Ordered Tootie's and am sending money to some grandkids. So all done. Have way too many dogaloos to get each one something. Maybe a treat hmmm rawhide bones might be good.

Watched "Mr. Brooks" I love Kevin Costner and murder mysteries. So I was content.

Waiting for a day I want to sweep more pine needles. Not gonna be today!

Poem

White Owl Flies Into and Out of the Field

Coming down out of the freezing skywith its depths of light,like an angel, or a Buddha with wings,it was beautiful, and accurate,striking the snow and whatever was therewith a force that left the imprint of the tips of its wings — five feet apart —and the grabbing thrust of its feet,and the indentation of what had been runningthrough the white valleys of the snow —and then it rose, gracefully,and flew back to the frozen marshesto lurk there, like a little lighthouse,in the blue shadows —so I thought: maybe death isn't darkness, after all,but so much light wrapping itself around us —

as soft as feathers —that we are instantly weary of looking, and looking,and shut our eyes, not without amazement,and let ourselves be carried,as through the translucence of mica,to the river that is without the least dapple or shadow,that is nothing but light — scalding, aortal light —in which we are washed and washedout of our bones.

~ Mary Oliver ~

Cooler Weather! Doing the Fall Happy Dance

Well, the weather is much cooler and I am so very glad. I was really tired of the hot and humid.

Glad that the Angel Baby feels better. I was worried about her. She works hard and doesn't get near enough rest.

Doing laundry and being lazy. Finally watched "Pleasantville" today. I had never seen it and enjoyed . So that has been my big accomplishment today.

Must get busy and sweep the pine needles next week. I plan on putting them around the trees and along the path to the shop.

But for now...I think I will just be lazy and kick back. Tomorrow is another day.

Good Visit

Had a good visit with Tootie and the girls. I can't believe how growed the Angel is but the Butterfly is about the same. If she ever starts to grow everyone will be surprised.
Finally rained yesterday and last night. I am so glad. But when it dries up I need to sweep more pine noodles.
All is good here. Just need to do laundry and clean but that is for another day

So many books So little time

I just got three new books in the mail. I need to space out the yard work...house work...and generally other mundane things and just read

Kids coming up this weekend Will be glad to see them.

Still hot but I have faith that cooler weather is coming Cause Shawn said so!!

Survived the dentist. They did some cleaning have to go back in two weeks for more cleaning
That's what I get for not having my teeth cleaned for umpteen years.
After all the cleaning and descaling I will have xrays and be told all is FINE...Thinking very positive here

Miss the Angel Baby and hope she has a fabulous time on her jaunt. Wish I could go with her...just sitting on a beach sounds absolutely wonderful.


In the meantime, must read those books.

Humid and WHERE IS FALL??

Very hot and humid here. I am so ready for fall and cooler weather. Had new mower blades put on and a tune up and oil change so I am ready for the next mowing season. Well, in theory anyway. I hate the doing part.

I ordered two witch hazel bush tree things. They are so pretty and turn wonderful colors in the fall. Plus the birds love the berries. So may save me on bird seed. Probably not but maybe.

Have to vacuum, do laundry and pick up various parts of the house. I already took out the trash and cleaned the litter box...go me.

But for right now, I am drinking coffee playing at the puter and wishing I were in San Francisco sitting on the wharf. Wouldn't that be fun!!

Have to go to the dentist tomorrow. Boo Hiss and I hope he tells me I can keep my teeth. I have a real fear of being a toothless old hag. I can stand the old and hag part just not the toothless.

Must go and get busy or I will still be sitting here tomorrow and nothing will have been accomplished. Keep thinking COOLER WEATHER.

10 Months and Counting

The low spot of today...

It's been ten months since Leo left

The high spot...

I just saw Amanda's new tattoo and I love it

Very humid today. I doubt if it will rain but feels like you are walking through water. YUCK

I emptied my dehumidifier water on my Kukaluka tree. The poor thing was all wilted. So put both buckets on it. Then in a very short time had two more buckets to put on my wee maple and red bud.

And I know you remember kukaluka trees LOL

I put up a new witch flag this morning. The old one was very faded. Since it hangs right by my witch parking sign I keep witchy flags up all year. Much to the dismay of my politically correct neighbors. Oh well. they just need to get a grip.

Kristi and the girls are supposed to come up next weekend. I will be glad to see them. Leeah tells me she likes school and Alexis is her mother's daughter and hates it. I have Halloween bags with stickers and pencils for them.

I have Showtime free for the next three months. Then I can decide whether or not to keep it. We'll see ;)

Have to go check the mail and get MORE coffee. My cup runneth dry.

I just keep telling myself today.. 10 months and counting

So Long No Blogs

Sorry for the long time with no new blogs. As if anyone even reads this anyway. I have been to California to see Papa's family. Seeing Pop was good but he looks so frail. Course at 94 he is. Seeing Scott was extremely hard. He looks so much like his dad. But got through it with alot of crying and now I never have to go again!!

I have been trying to keep up with the yard work. Should be out doing it this morning but I seem to lack the inspiration.

May get my hair cut this afternoon. It's getting so long that it is giving me a headache.

Have Halloween decorations up. Boy that was hard. But kept thinking "What would Papa want you to do?"

Dogaloos are fine. Sparky loves to be out running with the big dogs and he thinks he's as big as them all. They are such company for me. I wouldn't know what to do without them.

Really glad for cooler weather. I have had enough HOT for awhile. But I'm sure this winter I will be complaining about the cold. That's me complain complain.

Hoping for a better year next year. I don't think I need another one like last.

Will try to do better posting. But as always no promises.

Boo Hoo storm damage

Well, lightning struck a big tree limb out back. Took out my chain link and garden fence. Plus have about three more large limbs down in back and one big one down in front. About a thousand small limbs and pine cones in the front too. After I picked up a 20 lb dog food bag of them yesterday. Oh well, guess that's karma for getting so disgusted at McDonald's and the garage sale man yesterday. In the last eleven days it has rained nine. I am sooo tired of rain.

Rain Rain Rain

I am so sick of rain. Seems like that is all it's been doing forever. I know I wanted some for my flower seeds but good grief. Enough already! I need to finish painting the shed, mow the grass and pick up all the wet dog blankets and throw them away. Right now I would sink in the mud. Never to be seen again;). I am trying to get the energy to move a bookcase. And putting a new one up with my gravy boats. Need to go through the many boxes of fabric too. So much to do and no will to do it. Maybe the gumption fairie will come by today. I love the orang reminds me of my Dad and Leeah and Papa at the San Diego zoo. Such good memories.

I Carry Your Heart With Me

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart) I am never without it(anywhere I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)

I fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)I want no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

Can You Imagine?

Can You Imagine?

For example, what the trees do

not only in lightening storms

or the watery dark of a summer's night

or under the white nets of winter

but now, and now, and now -

whenever we're not looking.

Surely you can't imagine they don't dance,

from the root up,

wishing to travel a little,

not cramped so much as wanting a better view,

or more sun,

or just as avidly more shade -

surely you can't imagine

they just stand there loving every minute of it,

the birds or the emptiness,

the dark rings of the years slowly and without a sound thickening,

and nothing different unless the wind,

and then only in its own mood, comes to visit,

surely you can't imagine patience,

and happiness, like that.

~ Mary Oliver ~

The Girls are Coming

Well, my Ladybug and Blue Butterfly are coming next weekend to spend spring break with me.Will be so nice to have them. I used the push mower and mowed the winter rye down somewhat. Got the trash out this morning. Scooped the litter box. Gave the dogs their hot dogs. Need to check on heart worm and advantage to see when I need more. I probably won't paint the bathroom. I was looking at it this morning and noticed the spot where Papa put his hand, on the wall, over the commode, when he peed. I don't want to ever cover that up so won't have to paint ;) I am going to paint the wire spool outside, the mushroom and the shed. But not till it's warmer. Supposed to rain a lot next week. Saw deer yesterday morning right behind the fence. The dogs just looked at them. Guess they are used to them now. The non-bearing pear tree is covered with blooms. And the jonquils are blooming. Lilacs are starting to bud out. I planted my Castor beans in the garden beside the shed. Need to weed the iris bed. Want to have Papa here to share all this with. Does the pain ever go away? AT ANY RATE as he would say. trying to move into spring.

Getting Better

Well, I went garage saleing with Sherry yesterday. Was tough but I put on makeup and my big girl panties and went. Found a neat metal witch hat on a holder so added that to my collection. I also got a really heavy neat ashtray to put on the deck. Mike and Sherry came over in the afternoon and swept up all the sweet gum balls in the yard. Bless their hearts. Took 10 big trash bags but looks wonderful. He is going to take the bagger off the mower so I can get the sweeping done next time. Saw the eclipse last night. Was neat. All the plants I had put in the sacred circle froze. Got down to 24 last night. So will have to go replace them next week. Just my luck. Not gonna do much today. Maybe tomorrow.

Here are My Girls on a Camel

Ok...I am not intirely stupid. I knew I had a picture of the girls on a camel. My how small they were here. They are so growed now. Bought a lawnmower today. A push one for the front yard. Need exercise and it will be much handier then the rider to get around flowers. I have to sweep the gumballs in back soon. But have to buy gas first. The dog a loos are fine and spoiled and I am still eating the potato soup I made. Course I made enough for weeks!! Full eclipse of the moon tomorrow. Neat huh? I am supposed to be able to see it from here. But is supposed to be down to 29 the nights of the 3rd and 4th so may freeze. Get the girls for spring break and will enjoy them. Saw "Barnyard" was cute but the dad died in the beginning so had to cry. This crying gets to be very habit forming.

I hate Mondays And the Rest of the Week

Well survived another weekend. Rained Saturday and was very windy on Sunday. The woosie Bruiser has had to be in for three days the sound of the wind scares him. I picked up 4 20 lb dog food bags of pine cones and limbs this morning. The wind and rain really made them come down. Lots of the daffodils we planted last fall are blooming. Papa would have loved them. The lilac out front is budding. Haven't looked at the ones out back. Sears is supposed to come out and look at the lawn tractor. Replace the belt and do an overhaul. I got the trash out and scooped the litter box. Might run the vacuum tomorrow. I need to get on the girls toy slings. Maybe tomorrow on that too. I have heartburn and hate the world without Leo but the dogs need me and I have to be here until I can go. The sooner the better I need to be with Papa. Hope the girls can go diamond hunting this summer. I think they would enjoy it. Papa's trees are looking good. As is his grape vines. Need to plant his gourds this spring. Need to have him back.

Really Tired of This

This week, I picked up pine cones, stuffing and poo poo in the back yard, had neighbors over to visit, played with the dogs. So why am I miserable and so very lonely? I have always figured that each person had a reason to be alive. But my reason is gone. I'm like half a person not even half because the very best part of me is missing. I wander through the house and yard with no direction and without any reaction to anything. I feel like I am one of the living dead just going through the motions of a life. I am really ready to be out of this misery. The girls are coming in a couple of weeks that will be fun. I will enjoy them. Puplets are really growing up. Have flowers blooming in the yard. Called Sears repair for the lawn tractor. Trying to be a responsible grownup. Wanting to be dead with Leo.

See... Real Snow

Here is proof that there was really snow here. Since it has all melted now. Was really cold last night though. Down to 20 and I couldn't sleep so spent lots of time outside smoking. Brr. Am so glad the Pooh had a good cruise. She deserves it more than anyone I know except maybe me. HeeHee only kidding. Me on a boat?? Not! I got to talk to Miss L for 2 hours last night. We must have covered every subject there is. She is such a sweetie. A wanted to talk to her friend but she had to use her cell cause it was L's turn. May try to lay some marble for path today. May not. Did take a shower so I have accomplished something.

Gonna go dry this mop of hair now. So I can go out and smoke!

My Girls

There was snow this morning when I got up. The girls thought it was great fun. They were running and playing in it. Course it all melted off soon. They are really growing. Panda is getting a trifle chunky. She stands on her back legs and "talks" to me. She is really my girl. Punkin is the big growler. She growls and barks at everything. Course she does it while backing up and looking for me to protect her. Such Baby girls.

Oh No

Why oh why can't I get to my blog? I am having withdrawals. I'm dying here.

No wait. I can It's a miracle. I am here and the words are going on the screen. I feel so relieved.

It must have been the gremlin puppies. Or possibly that I haven't had a cigarette this morning, or I am just totally crazed. I think I'll bet on the latter.

My girls on a GOP

Yep that's my girls on a GOP. Never thought I would see that. Wee, I have decided to buy a lawn mower tomorrow. I may get the riding mower fixed but still want to get another. Saw some sleet and snow today. Boo Hiss. But is just supposed to be rain tomorrow. Just watched "The Devil Wears Prada" I guess it was OK. Nothing I would have paid to see. The neighbor loaned it to me. Have the body for my witch doll made. Can't decide how to do her hair. And of course, still have the petticoat, dress , overdress and cape to sew....... Many months worth of stuff.

I think I may change the sheets on the bed tomorrow. And that is my big plan for the day. I took a shower tonight so that's done. I just don't have the desire to do much. I will be so glad when it's spring. I want to be able to work out in the flowerbeds and find things to do outside. This weekend I am going to lay down some marble pieces to make a pathway to the shop and hopefully under the clothesline. So I do have some plans just not many. Finally got Papa's death certificates. He died at 9:17. So now I know it wasn't the 9:22 they told me at first. Life is way overrated and old age sucks.

Rain again

Well, it's raining again. I did laundry and was vacuuming when the belt broke. So I had to run out to walmart and buy a new belt. Then went ahead and got gas for the car. Had to come home and re belt the vacuum and then finish. Got the clothes hung up and the vacuum put away, fed the dogs and now I think I will sit in Papa's chair the rest of the day. Hasn't rained hard just light so hopefully will be good for the onions. Went to the junk store here in Waldo. They were so upset about Papa. I told them so was I. Guess I will never get used to telling the story and listening to people telling me how they can't believe it. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. They need to be quiet. Ok enough bitching and I am going to chair.

My Busy Day

I have had an ok day today. I went all over town trying to find the right size furnace filters. Ended up ordering them from amazon. Bought the pups a couple of ten cent stuffed toys at the junk store, replaced my broken rain gauge, planted 2 hyacinths in my sacred circle, and 80 onion bulbs in the garden. Finished cutting out my witch doll. Maybe now I can get it made LOL. I might try to vacuum tomorrow. It sure needs it. Papa's fruit trees are starting to bud. If they have fruit I have to put the bird netting over them. The grapes are ok and I picked out the lawnmower I may get at walmart. So I am moving right along. Except that I still have this big empty space in my heart and life. But besides that I am ok.. I hope the Pooh has an awesome time on her boat. She deserves it.

Birds and more birds

I have such beautiful birds in my yard. Cardinals, blue jays, red headed woodpeckers, blue birds, chickadees and yes A ROBIN. I am doing the happy robin for spring dance. I am so tired of this cold damp weather. Boo Hiss. I want to be able to go out and work in the flower beds and see Papa's trees budding out. Will have to put the anti bird net on them if they happen to produce. I am just ready for the gloom to be gone. Got one bill for the hospital in La $24,500.00 yep I just put it in the pile. I can't believe I am so far in debt. Have to file when I get all the bills in. Dogs are fine and they are such a good thing for me to have. I would miss them if I didn't have them to talk to. Waiting for spring It's a good thing.

I think I hate the world or at least part of it

Okay here I am ready to KILL SOMETHING and that's not good. The idiot that is my neighbor has been taking things from L's shop after dark, until I changed the lock. And I just found out how much was taken today. Well, it's all back home now I hope. I told him I was done. When one of the girls come up I will send them over to get the guns and keys he has. I don't want to go over there and don't want his skanky ass over here. MAD MAD MAD.

Had the oil changed on the car today and bought dog food. So now I am set for another couple of weeks longer if it warms up. I only feed them canned food when its cold. And brr it has been very cold. I hate cold. Ready for warm and warmer. Note I did not say hot.

The picture is from a card a friend sent to me. I love it. I need to send this friend some embroidered tea towels. She is such a dear.

Well, things have to get better cause they just aren't allowed to get any worse right now. Moma said!!

My Lap is Overflowing

I feel like my lap (or is that plate) is too full. I took the truck to have the front end aligned. Take endless calls from bill collectors. Don't have the money to pay them. Am being threatened with being taken to court and having a lien put on the house. Just can't cope with all this CRAP. Plus it is cold cold outside. We had snow flurries this morning and sleet this afternoon. Supposed to have more Saturday. Gonna have to go tomorrow and get more dog food. They are eating so much because of the cold. Poor guys. They need the extra calories to generate warmth. I am so tired of listening to people telling me I have to pay bills. Called social security again and they dropped the ball. Didn't send me the letter for his money from November due December. So will get them in a few days and try to fill them out and return them. I really was hoping for that money. But guess I don't need it yet. Had to turn the thermostat up to 62 from 60. I was freezing. My jonquils are up 5 to 6 inches in the front yard. I hope they survive. The neighbors are up too so I have hope. Maybe tomorrow will be better just not worse please.O.O

Rain Rain Go Away

Well not really, we need the rain and when it stops it's supposed to be cold cold cold. So I would rather have the rain. Had a big snit at the neighbor yesterday. He is such an ass. Wanted to know why I was upset with him. Lets see.....he told everyone I was crazy, took some of Papa's tools without telling me, said he wished I would go away for a while so he could get more tools from the shop, sold things and said I would wait months for the money, is constantly UP MY BUTT, that's just for starters. Well, the final straw was when he started to cry and tell ME how hard it was not to have L around. I wake up every morning without him, go to bed every night without him, and spend every minute of my life wanting him to be here. And I am supposed to be sympathetic??? I don't think so Tim. Oh well, maybe after my slight explosion he will go away.
Another day is just Another day.

HUMMM maybe a new tattoo

I think this would make a spiffy tattoo. If I had the money I would get it. Maybe I could ask for it for christmas birthday etc..... Anyway, I am fine. Went to the Dr yesterday and she gave me more MS drugs so I feel better. I won't say better then what. As for recipe, 4 potatoes, 4 onions, dried bell peppers, dried celery, no salt seasoning, and beef broth. Really good. Have to give the dogs their flea and heartworm meds today or tomorrow. Bought a couple of mexican tv dinners. They look good. Gonna make chicken enchiladas next week and put them in the freezer in one serving portions. I am so efficient!! Ran the dishwasher and have gone thru scads of e mails. So I am on a roll. Or is it that I am roly poly?? Well anyway, today things are looking alright.

Still Here

OK... so how long does this empty feeling last? Just how long can one exist with a giant hole in one's heart? Well, I know for a fact that it can be 40 days. Cause I have done it that long. Ran the dust mop yesterday...Paa would say the dust police were gonna get me. Talked to the Baby, sang her Birthday song, puttered around. Good thing I slept last night after not being able to sleep the night before. Oh, I brought my swing around to the back deck. Got tired of asking "friends & neighbors" to do it with no avail. So now I can swing and smoke to my hearts content. UCSD sent the sweetest card to me. They are awesome people. Must get my will done to make sure they get the house. Made some French Onion soup from scratch...my three remaining onions were starting to sprout. So that was good the soup not the sprouting. Panda goes for her stitch removable today or tomorrow and I go to the Dr tomorrow. The dingy neighbor and her husband asked me to go to their church and see them get baptized on Sunday. I promise I won't yell "Hold em under longer". The M's have decided that I must be heathen cause I'm not spouting religious tripe regarding all. After all, when your life falls apart lets "praise god" because WHY????? Still have my yule tree up. Since L helped me decorate it I plan on keeping it up year around. I think it adds something festive to the front room. And we all need festive! Jonquils are up about 3 inches. I have to buy a lawnmower. And my hair is dirty. Thus goes my life. Blessed Be

Waiting to Go

Here I am Still

well here it is another day. Picked up some dog poo poo in the yard. Went to the funeral home to check on the death certificates. Still not ready the dr signed it and in La the coroner has to so will be couple of more days. I made myself go to the two thrift stores that we had gone to the morning before he left. Was hard and not near as much fun without my love. He made it fun. Went to walmart and bought 80 lbs of dog food. Got that in the barrel and some more glade plugins. Have to keep the house smelling good. Then came home. I might wash sheets tomorrow. Or not. My sweet neighbors are getting baptised next Sunday. I guess I will go since they asked. But only because they are so precious. Sold the planner and some tie downs also the rooter and bits. I hope they will be enjoyed as much as he enjoyed them. Breaks my heart to have them go. Got a wonderful card from UCSD today. Those people are so caring. It made me cry and had to fight a lump in my throat all day. But one more down and another to come. If anyone wants to know, I am more then ready to go be with Papa. Just for the record. If anyone wants to know.

It has been 35 days since the love of my life went home to his creator. It happened quickly ..he had a massive coronary and thankfully very little pain. His ashes are in an M&M tin on the mantle ( small amount in my necklace) and I talk to him all the time. I am trying very hard to adjust to not having him around. He was always smiling and happy and I really miss that. But will do as he would expect and go on till it is my turn to be with him. I have our five dogs and they are a big help. You just can't stay unhappy with five HAPPY tails wagging at you. This is the last picture of him and his last project. He had progressed to birdhouses. I will never get used to not having him here but with time will be able to do the things that need done. One good thing, the last puppy is spayed now. So at least no more new ones. Gonna get a quilt top out eventually and start quilting it. So I am a survivor.